My PMS Has PMS.

In case you were wondering who has the best new job ever.

Fri, 25 May 2012 10:24:00 -0400

In case you were wondering who has the best new job ever.

Was just told by a ladymag editor that my pitch for their sordid stories column was TOO SORDID.

Wed, 23 May 2012 12:37:21 -0400

Is this like being told by Bravo producers that you’re too unlikeable and
unhinged for reality television?

One woman's trash

Fri, 18 May 2012 11:44:00 -0400

is another woman’s “vintage” lamp made of styrofoam and mold.

Remember when I spent the evening drinking wine, cleaning the tub, and ordering vitamins on Amazon?

Tue, 15 May 2012 22:48:49 -0400

We can talking about how I’m spending my 20’s living life to the fullest once I’m done trying on smart pantsuits and knitting cozies for my cozies.

"Beautiful young woman wearing lingerie in bed with phone." Or, the state of womanhood according to stock photo captions.

Tue, 15 May 2012 10:55:24 -0400

“Young woman at her kitchen and choosing between diet sandwiches and fancy cakes.”

“Nice smart girl do her best no to eat cake with worry in her eyes and sticky tape on her mouth.”

“Close up of a sad senior woman with comb.”

"Gilmore Girls Trivia"

Sun, 13 May 2012 20:33:15 -0400

This is something I have Googled in the past 30 minutes.

This is what living room yoga turns into when you have a cat.

Wed, 02 May 2012 11:53:21 -0400

This is what living room yoga turns into when you have a cat.

Sometimes I feel like this.

Tue, 01 May 2012 21:42:06 -0400

Sometimes I feel like this.

The Diet Tip That Magazines Never Tell You

Wed, 25 Apr 2012 16:04:40 -0400

If you want to avoid eating the junk food in your kitchen, just put it in the vegetable crisper and you’ll forget about it until it grows mold and probably teeth.

Self-Flagellation

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 12:11:52 -0400

The ten minutes you spend on Craigslist looking at ALL THE APARTMENTS before you filter according to your price range.

When a door closes, a window opens.

Mon, 16 Apr 2012 12:42:00 -0400

Unless you told your roommates that you’d take the windowless room to get a break on rent, in which case, when a door closes, you slowly lose your mind and eventually try to dig your way through the wall with an eyelash curler.

One of the best awkward moments in life, before cell phones and caller ID

Wed, 04 Apr 2012 17:57:00 -0400

was calling someone and saying “it’s me” when they answered and listening to them silently panic for a few seconds until they realized who it is (extra fun after a first date, right?)

Doing taxes and noticed that my Mint.com account categorized my wine bar spending under "Charity".

Wed, 04 Apr 2012 14:08:30 -0400

Really proud of how much I gave to charity last year, you guys.

I'm on to you.

Mon, 02 Apr 2012 15:49:00 -0400

When you post daily updates on Facebook about how in love you are with your significant other, I just assume you’re working on building your defense case for when you eventually kill them by “accidentally” coating the bathtub and bathroom floor in a thin layer of olive oil.

So weird that “brunching” and “drinking vodka and eating disgusting quantities of...

Sun, 01 Apr 2012 18:04:16 -0400

So weird that “brunching” and “drinking vodka and eating disgusting quantities of bacon at home in your underwear” just don’t have the same glamorous ring to ‘em.

When you start feeling too confident about recent life decisions,

Wed, 28 Mar 2012 13:24:00 -0400

just remember you also thought spending two months in a tanning bed before your senior prom was a great idea at the time.

I like Essie and OPI nail polish names because they’re glamorous and aspirational, but...

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 12:46:48 -0400

I like Essie and OPI nail polish names because they’re glamorous and aspirational, but sometimes I resent the unrelenting enthusiasm of Alpine Snow, Ballet Slippers, and the like. If anyone would like to start a new nail polish line with me, I already have some ideas for names:

Purse Lint
Migraine Aura
Rosacea Rose
Sarah Goldfarb Orange
Does This Look Infected?
Day-Old Coffee
Gin for Breakfast

I'm Boycotting the Hollywood Meet-Cute

Thu, 01 Mar 2012 10:05:39 -0500

I'm Boycotting the Hollywood Meet-Cute:

And it’s all Katherine Heigl’s fault.

Sweet Valley High Book Title or Porn Movie Title?

Fri, 24 Feb 2012 16:24:43 -0500

1. Two-Boy Weekend
2. Teacher Crush
3. Boy Trouble
4. Jessica’s Older Guy
5. My Best Friend’s Boyfriend
6. Spring Break
7. Double Love
8. Power Play
9. All Night Long
10. Forbidden Love
11. Caught in the Middle

Answer Key: They’re all SVH titles. For now.

Lifetime Movie Titles: Real or Fake?

Fri, 17 Feb 2012 11:39:47 -0500

Lifetime Movie Titles: Real or Fake?:

I made a game for you and put it on The Hairpin.