If you want to avoid eating the junk food in your kitchen, just put it in the vegetable crisper and you’ll forget about it until it grows mold and probably teeth.
The ten minutes you spend on Craigslist looking at ALL THE APARTMENTS before you filter according to your price range.
Unless you told your roommates that you’d take the windowless room to get a break on rent, in which case, when a door closes, you slowly lose your mind and eventually try to dig your way through the wall with an eyelash curler.
was calling someone and saying “it’s me” when they answered and listening to them silently panic for a few seconds until they realized who it is (extra fun after a first date, right?)
Really proud of how much I gave to charity last year, you guys.
When you post daily updates on Facebook about how in love you are with your significant other, I just assume you’re working on building your defense case for when you eventually kill them by “accidentally” coating the bathtub and bathroom floor in a thin layer of olive oil.
So weird that “brunching” and “drinking vodka and eating disgusting quantities of bacon at home in your underwear” just don’t have the same glamorous ring to ‘em.
just remember you also thought spending two months in a tanning bed before your senior prom was a great idea at the time.