December 2010
36 posts
1 tag
Things I Do Not Understand, #3
Why my mother automatically says “good luck!” whenever I leave the house while visiting her. She used to say it when I lived at home and left the house for dates with strange older men so it was applicable then, like, good luck and don’t end up in anyone’s freezer. But now she says it when I, like, go to Dunkin’ for coffee, so I guess she must feel that I need the...
1 tag
Things I Do Not Understand, #2
Why I say things in a singsongy voice when I feel socially awkward. ALL the things.
1 tag
Things I Do Not Understand, #1
Skiing. You guys. Skiing is absurd. It seems like it should result in more horrific deaths, no? I have difficulty understanding how people do this all the time, for fun. Even children do it! The same parents who bubble-wrap their furniture and sand down their coffee tables to eliminate sharp corners will wrap their five-year-old child in a parka, strap their tiny feet onto long pieces of metal,...
2010
January. Have been living in New York for three months and just sobering up now. Have taken to shrugging when someone asks you how work is.
February. Work 12, 13, 14 hour days and wake up at 3am to check emails. Sleep late on weekends but never feel like you’ve slept. Don’t cry at work because you don’t have time.
March. Quit your job. Go on dates and practice saying “I...
“I’ve seen that look on my boyfriend’s face many a time. It’s like a tidal...”
– Yelena on ambushing a man, without warning, with a shrill request to Talk about Where Things Stand
Reason to Write: To Connect With Others →
Thank you to Freelancedom’s Steph Auteri for including me in her Reason to Write series! She included a post that originally appeared right here, a year ago, which is crazy to think about, considering how much has changed since then. Steph was one of the first people I went to for advice—in a shrill panic, frankly—when I decided to quit my job to freelance, and if you don’t have it...
Sneak Up On It
I was telling a friend that my sleep schedule has been erratic lately, with more writing work than I know what to do with, with deadlines that bleed into the next deadlines.
Staying up until 5am to write. Or, waking up at 5am to write. “Sneak up on it!” he said.
Edited to add:
Fair enough.
Now I just have to wait to actually get paid for that paid freelance work. The tricky...
How Not to Set Up a First Date
From the OKCupid archives (edited for length—content unfortunately all real): [redacted]: When do you want to meet? me: I’m off on Friday, if you want to grab coffee or a drink? [redacted]: You type very slowly for someone who writes for a living. Do you only do a drink/coffee first date? If you like someone can it be a real date? I never asked you my deal breaker questiosn me: no,...
1 tag
On Love: Letters to My Teenage Self
Letter to My 13-Year-Old Self: Stop being a brat. That punk is not the love of your life and your mother did not ruin your life by making you move to New Jersey. Letter to My 13-Year-Old Self, Part 2: Okay, maybe she did a little bit. But only for a couple of weeks. Letter to My 14-Year-Old Self: You don’t know this yet, but the guy you’re about to have a crush on for the next four years will...
Anonymous asked: You're probably single because you're ugly.
No Rush
Sometimes you find yourself on the 6 train and you look down and you see perhaps the cutest baby you’ve ever seen, wriggling around in his stroller and pointing at nothing in particular with his tiny fingers—oh my god, how do they make them that small?!—and making funny little baby noises that sound like a thousand kittens dancing on clouds and what the hell is that ticking sound coming from...
What's the worst thing you've ever heard on a...
howaboutwe:
Some of the best (worst) lines we’ve heard so far:
“So do you think you’ll want to be a stay at home mom? And will you still go to the gym?”
”I’m really into cannibalism.”
“You use too much tongue, let’s avoid kissing.”
What’s the most cringe-worthy thing you’ve heard on a first date?
My worst: “Why are you getting so worked up just because I tried to run out on the...
:(
I just spilled red wine on the cat. Is it going to stain?
“Bad writing is more than a matter of shit syntax and faulty observation; bad...”
– Stephen King (via samara-g)
“If you can’t afford to hire a bartender,” he added, “you shouldn’t be having a...”
– LOL, okay NY Times.
I say, if you’re throwing a party in a studio apartment, for the love of gin, don’t hire a bartender. The accompanying photo looks way awkwardly intimate. (Though kudos on this nugget: “Another guest, Eric Carson, 32, a stock trader who lives in nearby...
I’m sorry. ‘Scuse me, sorry! Woops, sorry ‘bout...
I am in the kind of foggy, jittery state today that makes me clumsy and also compels me to apologize to inanimate objects when I bump into them. It’s not even 3pm and I’ve already asked for forgiveness from a deli counter and a subway pole.
“I tried that work ethic thing a couple of times—I can’t say I exhausted its...”
– Marilynne Robinson, The Paris Review
Sunday Assignment: First Kiss
distorte:
The particulars of your first kiss. Idea courtesy of Kitey.
(I’ll do mine later.)
I was 15; almost 16 so time was running out, I felt. We held hands during the movie and after it ended we stood on a patch of grass by the parking lot waiting for his mom to pick us up. After he kissed me, he asked me why I was shaking. I blushed and said I was cold. It was June.
